What would I have done without you?
by Gosh1991
Summary: Alex is worried about the consequences of Michael finding them, rework of 2x17
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: What would I have done without you?

**Author**: Gosh1991

**Fandom**: Nikita

**Pairing**: Nikita/Alex

**Rating**: PG

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Summary**: Alex is worried about the consequences of Michael finding them, rework of 2x17

Nikita's fingers moved fluidly over the skin of Alex's back leaving a blazing trail in their wake. It wasn't something Alex wasn't used to, since they had started their hand to hand combat training Nikita would slide in behind her and work every muscle in Alex's neck and back. Alex couldn't help herself, and she would always melt into Nikita's touch. But something was off today, it had only taken Nikita a couple of seconds to knock Alex's feet out from under her and she hadn't fought back. And now as Nikita's fingers glided over Alex's skin she sat rigid with her shoulders tensed a contrasting sight to her normal position of leaning into Nikita as she worked out all the tension. Alex's mind was somewhere else, Nikita swept Alex's chestnut hair to one side and spoke softly into her ear "Everything ok?" Alex couldn't help the involuntary shiver that rippled through her body as Nikita's cool breath caressed her neck. Alex's heart went into overdrive with Nikita's lips being in such close proximity to her neck. She let out a long loud sigh and turned slowly forcing Nikita to change her position on the couch, Alex immediately missed the contact and wished she could reach out and pull Nikita close again. "Yeh just thinking" she replied steadily trying to prevent Nikita from prying, but to Alex's discomfort it was in Nikita's nature to pry, she always needed to know everything and wouldn't relent until she got it. "About what?" Nikita asked searching Alex's expression for any hint of what she was thinking or feeling and was stunned when her brown eyes locked with ocean blue ones that were glistening with unshed tears. As soon as the first tear fell Alex looked away from Nikita embarrassed by the weakness she was showing; but she was always weak when it came to Nikita. To Alex's surprise Nikita stretched out a hand and gently wiped the tear off her cheek with the pad of her thumb. "Alex what is going on?" She requested sternly grasping Alex's chin and turning her face towards her. Alex let out a shaky breath and opened her mouth to speak "A few hours ago Michael was sitting over there with a gun pointed at you and there was no one to protect you!" she answered honestly. There was no point in lying to Nikita, she was trained by division and knew when Alex was doing it. She had learned not that long ago not to lie to her and after the Irina incident she couldn't bring herself to not tell the truth. Nikita's hand moved from Alex's chin and settled on her arm trying to comfort the girl. It had always been one of Alex's fears that Michael would find them and kill Nikita. "I've faced Michael many times before and I've survived, you don't need to worry" she replied softly. This was the caring side of Nikita that no one else go to see except for Alex and she liked it, Nikita always walked around with a front on, she projected herself as a fearless, emotionless assassin but when her guard came down you could see how vulnerable she is. "But all those times you've been armed Nikita but this time you had nothing to defend yourself with, how can you not see how dangerous that was!" Alex yells in frustration and gets up to pace the room. Nikita a still for a second and then gets up blocking Alex's pacing route "I'm sorry" Nikita sighs out heavily "I'm sorry this has worried you but Alex look at me, not a mark on my body, I'm fine!" Alex throws her arms up in complete irritation "You just don't get it" Alex screams "He could have killed you and I would have been left here without you!" Now tears are pouring from Alex's eyes like a flood gate has been opened and can't be closed again. Alex allows herself to be wrapped up in the comfort of Nikita's strong, lean arms. Before Alex had gone to division she hadn't had much physical contact with Nikita other than the massages but since she had been promoted to agent and got to spend more time with her she found Nikita would hug her more or find a reason to touch her somehow. Alex took in a shaky breath "I need you!" she whispered into Nikita's hair.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Title: What would I have done without you?**_

_**Author: Gosh1991**_

_**Fandom: Nikita**_

_**Pairing: Nikita/Alex**_

_**Rating: PG**_

_**Declaimer: I own absolutely NOTHING!**_

_**Part 2**_

Nikita gasped not sure if she had heard Alex right. When Alex was in Division she had spent many a night evading sleep in favour of thinking about her, the safe house was so empty without her and she'd look at the empty bed next to hers and wish that Alex's delicate form was lying there staring back at her.

"What did you say?" Nikita asked slowly pulling away from Alex so she could look at her properly. Alex's tears had smeared her mascara all down her cheeks and Nikita's body reacted on instinct and reached out wiping the mascara away with the sleeve of her top. Alex hiccupped and sniffed as she tried to keep her tears under control

"I need you" Alex told her again in a small voice " I need to hear your voice every day, I need to have you look at me with that look you so often give me, I need you to smile at me when I finally pin you like you did the first time I did it, I need to feel your arms wrapped around me because when you do I feel safe and protected and that no army however big could ever get to me, I need everything about you Nikita and just the thought of you not being here scares the shit out of me!"

Nikita can't help the tears that spring to her eyes, she never thought Alex would be saying these things to her, and never in a million years did she think her heart would beat so fast for someone else.

Nikita had felt something for Alex ever since she found her lying on the ground after taking an overdose of pills. In that moment Nikita promised herself she would do anything in her power to keep her safe even if that meant death and when Alex suggested she enter Division Nikita's heart broke because she knew if Alex ever got out she wouldn't be the same, she would be trained to hide her emotions and never let them get in the way, but Nikita loved Alex the way she was, she loved that Alex showed her emotions so easily it made it easy for her to know what made Alex happy.

Nikita stepped closer to Alex and gently brushed the strands of hair out of her face and tucked them behind her ear. A small smile crept across Alex's features and Nikita couldn't help the smile that formed on hers, everything about Alex warmed Nikita's heart, her smile was like sunshine and when her smile was directed at Nikita she swears she could feel her legs go weak. Alex's skin was soft and at every chance she got Nikita would touch it; she never tired of the feel of her skin under her fingertips and Alex's voice was like music to Nikita's ears; she could sit there and listen to her all day.

"I need you too" Nikita breathed out and a tear escaped from her eye, Alex's heart swelled at the sight before "Alex you have to know everything I do I do to keep you safe and if that means facing Michael unarmed then I'll do it without a second thought...I can never let anything happen to you because..." Alex stepped forward and cupped Nikita's cheeks gently stroking her soft skin "because what?" Alex whispered out her heart beating a million times a minute. Nikita averted her eyes for a second and then looked at Alex sucking in a big breath "because I love you!" Nikita's eyes darted away from Alex's quickly; suddenly embarrassed by her confession she had kept it bottled up for so long, she didn't want Alex to feel pressured into doing something.

Alex's smile reached her eyes for the first time she had been upgraded to Agent. She couldn't believe that Nikita had just uttered those words she dreamed of coming out of her mouth. She leaned forward and softly pressed her lips to Nikita's it was a quick, tender kiss but it conveyed everything they were feeling and Nikita couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips when Alex pulled away. Her eyes snapped open when Alex repeated what she had just said to her "I love you too!"

Feel free to leave reviews...good to hear what people's opinions are


	3. Chapter 3

Hey Guys really sorry I haven't updated in AGES but had to finish my leaving cert and then was on a family holiday but I am back now and will try to update as regularly as possible!

Note: I know Nikita is a very heroic and never shows much emotion but in this chapter I thought I would explore the softer side of Nikita.

Feel free to rate and comment, always appreciate the feedback.

Part 3

"Nikita?" Alex wailed but it gave no indication to where she was, her voice echoed off the walls of the massive warehouse almost as soon as it left her mouth. The desperation in her voice sent a shiver down my spine. Inside the warehouse there was a maze of boxes and crates stacked almost to the ceiling, it would take forever to find Alex but I didn't have forever, I had to find her before Division did.

Two Division agents had followed us into the warehouse and one thing was for sure; we all weren't leaving alive! I heard the fast footfall of someone about to cross the path in front of me. A flurry of chestnut hair went past and I knew straight away it was Alex.

I had almost caught up with her when I heard the echo of a gun being cocked and then a shot rang out thorough the air. Alex crumpled to the ground and a pool of blood was quickly forming. I stepped behind the nearest crate and waited for the Division agents to come.

They arrived quickly and without hesitation I shot them both dead. I sprinted to Alex's side and kneeled down pulling her into my lap. She was wheezing and coughing. The bullet had gone straight through her chest. Her now dull eyes flicked up to look directly into mine.

"I'm sorry" she breathed out. I couldn't help but smile, Alex always apologised when something went wrong even if it wasn't her fault. "No need you didn't do anything wrong!" I told her softly sweeping her hair off her face. I leaned down and kissed her forehead "I love you, you know that right?" I had to know that she knew before she died.

Alex mustered up the best smile she could and replied "I know, I've known before you really knew what it was, I love you too and always will" I kissed her lips and when I pulled away I felt that familiar shallow long breathe caress my cheek and I knew she was gone.

I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes. Alex; the person I had loved more than anything in the world was now gone and I was supposed to go on?

"Nikita?" I heard her beautiful voice invade my senses. "Nikita wake up?" her voice was pulling me from my nightmare.

Nikita's eyes flew open in absolute terror. She tried to sit up but Alex's body was lying flush against hers. Alex lovingly stroked Nikita's sweat soaked hair off her face "Nikita baby you were having a bad dream, are you ok?"

Nikita didn't trust her voice not to come out shaky so all she did was nod. Not a lot of things scared Nikita but this dream had shaken her to her core. Nikita stretched out her free hand and began to examine the features of Alex's face. Alex's eyes knotted together in confusion "What are you doing?" she asked but allowed Nikita's fingers to continue roaming over her face.

Nikita stayed silent for a few moments and then spoke "I'm memorising your face, it's so beautiful. You died in my dream and I don't want to ever forget what you look like" tears pricked at Nikita's eyes. "You can't leave me, you can't ever leave me, promise me?" Nikita's voice was stern but there was a hint of vulnerability.

"Baby I'll never leave you, don't worry it was only a dream" Nikita released a breathe she didn't realise she had been holding. Her expression relaxed, she wound her arm around the back of Alex's neck and pulled her down their lips meeting in a tender kiss.

"You ok now?" Alex asked after pulling away from the kiss. Nikita nodded too absorbed in her feelings for Alex to really listen to what she had asked. Content Alex laid her head on Nikita's chest enjoying the sound of her strong steady heart beat.

No words needed to be spoken between the two; they were comfortable just being in each other's presence. Nikita ran her fingers through Alex's hair and Alex traced idle patterns on Nikita's stomach.

Alex's fingers continued their random patterns as she spoke "was Division in your dream?" Nikita audibly heaved a sigh and Alex felt Nikita's hear rate pick up. "Division is always on my mind Alex, I can't afford to let a minute go by without thinking about them, I need to be one step ahead of them for my safety and especially yours!"

Alex's fingers slowed their motion into lazy circles "If you think about Division 24 hours a day you don't have time for yourself, Nikita your nerves are frayed you need to re-energise, then we can take down Division and finally keep Michael out of our life forever!"

Nikita laughed "How can you be sure?" Alex always knew the answer to this question, she'd known since she had first met Nikita "I know because I believe in us, but right no Division, just sleep, I promise I'll still be here holding you in the morning, I love you don't ever forget that."

Nikita pulled Alex as close as humanly possible and whispered in her ear "I love you too."


End file.
